Funny Sex Stories

Discussion in 'Jokes & Funny Stories' started by kgp, Jul 19, 2017.

  1. Targryn

    Targryn Deathling

    10
    65
    Jul 15, 2017
    Male
    Aluminum can manufacturer
    Canada
    Alright. Here we go haha. I was 17 and in school. We had a teachers assistant but not really a teacher. But a student that was helping for extra credits I'm guessing. She was 19 and the Gothic type. She would always help the teacher pass out assignments. She went out of her way to hand me mine first. (Keep in mind I was in the way back of the class room) and she would smile and say good luck. Needless to say. My young hormone raging mind thought "oh fuck what do I do. I want to fuck this girl" so I just thought she was being nice nothing more. I remember it was nearly Christmas break. And it was in science class and the teacher needed an extra skull for anatomy. And he asked her (we'll call her Sarah) he said "Sarah can you head to the southern lab and get me a skull" she didn't know where it was and he asked "who here can Help Sarah to the southern lab" and I nervously raised my hand. She smiled in a blushy cute way. You can tell she was shy. As was I. The campus was huge. Multiple buildings. The southern lab was way at the bottom the campus. We walked through the halway. Making small talk the casual "what are you going to school for." what do you want to be etc. And we approached the lab [Nerves are going crazy remembering it lol] and she hands me the key with the excuse "my wrist kinda hurts from cheer" I opened the door and walked in. I was looking for the cabinet with the skulls while she was standing hesitant by the door. I heard the door being closed slowly. I knew something was going down. My heart was rushing.. She closed the door and locked it. (The science teacher had the only key, which we had) she walked slowly towards me. Her boots almost quietly knocking on the floor. She asked me nervously "so.. Have you been with a girl before?" Me being a virgin at the time and thinking being a virgin was a completely lame thing. I said "yeah. Once" she slightly smiled and kinda grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me away from the window which I was standing near. And she brought me near the closet. Away from sight. She reached in to start making out. In my mind it was fireworks. Finally! Thank god!!! We started making out and kissing and getting all feely. After about 3 minutes in. I got erect. She definitely felt it because she stopped and looked down at it.. Smirking and reaching for my belt. I was I'm the moment and undid my belt myself. (Looking back at it now having your pants pulled down/off by the other person is so much hotter) and now my pants were off. And she took hers off too. Still wearing her boots. She got on her knees and started.. You know. taking care of my erection. It was complete ecstasy. Oh my god. It's a feeling of accomplishment and pure mind bending joy. She continued to do so for abit and came up and kissed me! She kissed me! It shocked me at the time but I didn't pay it now mind. It was in the moment. She turned around. Put my hand on her tits and bent over. I watched so much porn. I knew what to do. (Or so I thought) I slid it in.. And she let out a faint moan. I have no idea why but I didn't really anticipate the warmth. I kept going. Picking up speed after every "pump"? Idk. And she was moaning and it was going great. Trust me. And here's where it gets juicy. I was going at it. and I pulled her up from being bent over. She was still turned around though though. We were standing up and fucking. I reached for her tits. (just something to hold? Idk heard it can give pleasure) and I started to grab her tits rather hard. And she said "I like it rough.. Choke me. Make me your little whore" and my oh my. That was the birth of my weird kinks. So I did. And I started barely giving a little weak choke. And she said "harder" and I did. Still not as hard to her liking. She said "harder fuck!" And I did. I choked her harder and she said "oh yes like that" I thought I was hurting her. But she handled it lol. And at some point. During all this. My dick slid out. And it slid back in.. This wasn't a moan. This was a painful outburst.. as you can probably tell.. I put it in the wrong hole. I put it in her ass. And it was a hard thrust.. I thought I was going back in her pussy. I wasn't. She let out a loud "ow!" I didn't stop. I thought I was doing something good. I wasn't. She was rubbing her clit while I was fucking her in a hole she's never been fucked in. She started to moan louder and louder. And she had her orgasm and I was nearing mine. I asked "do I pull out?" And she said "fuck no cum in my ass" and that's when it hit me.. I was fucking her in her butt. But I didn't stop. I was too close. I came. As I pulled out (of her ass) after i came. She farted lol. Luckily I didn't get a shitty dick. In the room was a sink with paper towels. And kind of like waddled over to the sink (because of my cum lol) and she took a paper towel. And whipped her pussy.. Took another and whipped her ass. (Lol) and she looked over at me giggling with her teary painfilled eyes. And asked "was that better than the other time" me out of breath said "yeah haha". We got dressed and grabbed a skull (our initial mission) and headed back. She was fixing her hair in a mirror in the hallway I was standing by her. With a big ass smile on my face. I, had just lost my virginity.
    (The excuse was I wasn't feeling too well and she took me by the nurse and she waited for me outside)
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2017
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  2. CoolAssHeather

    CoolAssHeather Death Head

    139
    173
    Aug 1, 2017
    Female
    Florida
    Awesome!
     
  3. CoolAssHeather

    CoolAssHeather Death Head

    139
    173
    Aug 1, 2017
    Female
    Florida
    I don't have any funny stories. Many crazy sessions I cannot share.
     
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  4. Watcher76

    Watcher76 Death Head

    228
    224
    Jul 22, 2017
    Male
    Critical Analyzer
    Texas
    This reminds of one my early encounters. Long story short me and the new girl at work went at in the walk in fridge the store keeps all the veggies in. It was cold and hot at the same time... I was bending over to get something and she bent over with me and poked me in the back with her rather hard nipples. I was 18ish so, yeah nature took over from that point. Nice girl. I have no idea how we didn't get caught, people are in and out (so to speak) of those fridges all day long. As it happens with young spontaneous banging it didn't take long so... maybe that had something to do with it. Oddly enough we didn't form a relationship or anything. We didn't even do it again... just one of those things.
     
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  5. CoolAssHeather

    CoolAssHeather Death Head

    139
    173
    Aug 1, 2017
    Female
    Florida
    Good Times!!
     
    Baby Girl likes this.
  6. Cloyce

    Cloyce Death Head

    112
    186
    Jul 1, 2017
    Male
    Heck
    I fucked a girl in the ass one time and I nutted in her butt and when she stood up she pooped it out and yes there was poop as well. Gross I know but at least I can say that I literally fucked the shit out of her
     
  7. Squid Jones

    Squid Jones El Moderador Staff Member

    4,051
    9,196
    Feb 2, 2017
    Male
    A glass house
    So one time my best friend Mike arranged to have this girl (this was in high school so she was a girl, not a woman) come over and let us all fuck her. It was me, Mike, my friend Josh, and my friend Andy. I don't remember the chick's name. So we had this girl who was down for a gang bang but we needed a place to do it. So I volunteered my house. Here's the thing though: I wasn't gonna participate. I had a girlfriend at the time and, like the sucker I am, I didn't want to cheat on her. But I said hey, the homies can use my house to do this. So they all came over. My parents were home watching TV in the living room. Then the girl showed up. I brought her back to my room. She was like "Gimme a minute to get ready." So she went in my bathroom and put on some lingerie and shit. Garter belt and everything. I'm pretty sure this wasn't her first encounter like this. So she got ready and then it was time to get down to business. Mike, Josh, and Andy all banged her on my bed. I sat in my chair and watched. I turned on some music to drown out any noise that might alert my parents to what was going on. I'll never forget watching Andy fucking this girl from behind, her sucking Mike's dick, Josh jacking off trying to cum on her back, all while she sang along to "Big Poppa" by Notorious B.I.G.

    A funny thing that happened though is that she decided to put an ice cube in her mouth and suck Mike off like that. I dunno if the ice cube desensitized him or what but he lost his hard-on and couldn't get it back up. Poor guy. Maybe he just got stage fright.

    Anyway, the deed got done and then she left and we all kicked it in my room and talked about what had just happened. And, of course, the girlfriend I had at the time ended up cheating on me later on. * shrug *
     
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  8. Death_becomes_her_

    Death_becomes_her_ Death Head

    204
    380
    Jul 8, 2017
    Female
    Colorado
    My husband and I were in the throws of passion. Candles lit both a bit buzzed. He is on top and we are really getting into it. I felt something drip into the corner of my eye and I'm thinking wow he is really into this he is drooling. Then he says "oh god" meanwhile I'm wiping my face because he is drooling all over me. He jumps out of bed and says " I thibk I have a bloody nose " he goes to the bathroom and yes that's what it is. I looked like Carrie by that point. I had wiped blood all over my face. He was mortified and I couldn't stop laughing
     
  9. CoolAssHeather

    CoolAssHeather Death Head

    139
    173
    Aug 1, 2017
    Female
    Florida
    That's awesome! Shoulda snapped a pic for a DA post.
     
  10. CoolAssHeather

    CoolAssHeather Death Head

    139
    173
    Aug 1, 2017
    Female
    Florida
    Okay okay so I thought of one I could share. I'm going down on my boyfriend and as I switch to the 69 position and mount his face, I knee him in the eye. He had a nice shiner for about five days. Of course, he never heard the end of it, with the boys at work.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2017
  11. ivosa

    ivosa Death Head

    118
    166
    Oct 7, 2016
    Professional Crywaker
    Somewhere at home beating my meat
    I think one of the strangest things that happened to me was when I just turned 19 and had sex with a friend of mine. My issue was that he had a armpit kink. Yeah, an armpit kink, he wanted to lick them while having sex. That made me vary ticklish so all I could do was laugh while having sex. it turned him off completely but it was entertaining to me.
     
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  12. Baby Girl

    Baby Girl Collared by Zeus VIP

    195
    822
    May 8, 2016
    Female
    CNA
    Texas
    Wow lots of nice stories. But we got to pick just one? :oops:
     
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  13. Squid Jones

    Squid Jones El Moderador Staff Member

    4,051
    9,196
    Feb 2, 2017
    Male
    A glass house
    Another time with Mike there was this girl Erica. She had a major crush on Mike. She wanted him to come over so she could suck him off. He wasn't all that into her but, you know, she was cute so Mike was like "Only if you give Squid (I didn't go by that name but that's what you guys know me as) head too. She was like okay but only if you bring alcohol. I was a little thief back then so I went and jacked a bottle. Then we went over to Erica's house. Got her drunk...maybe a little too drunk. But anyway, she sucked both Mike and me off. Her mom and her mom's boyfriend were home though. They grew suspicious and the boyfriend knocked on the door. There really was nowhere to hide and she was so drunk....there was just nothing we could do. So eventually he opened the door. He saw us and flipped out. Started yelling at us in Arabic (he was from somewhere in the middle-east) so we were like whatever bro, we were done here anyway. So we left. Poor Erica was grounded for quite some time after that.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2017
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  14. Warhead

    Warhead Administrator Staff Member

    2,162
    6,557
    Nov 20, 2016
    Male
    Canada
    I thought she was gonna make you fuck the skull. Nonetheless good shit.
     
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  15. Warhead

    Warhead Administrator Staff Member

    2,162
    6,557
    Nov 20, 2016
    Male
    Canada
    Did you at least get to cum?!
     
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  16. Squid Jones

    Squid Jones El Moderador Staff Member

    4,051
    9,196
    Feb 2, 2017
    Male
    A glass house
    Oh yeah. We had been done for a while at that point. After Mike and I both "finished," we hung out in her room and were just talking and shit.
     
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  17. Warhead

    Warhead Administrator Staff Member

    2,162
    6,557
    Nov 20, 2016
    Male
    Canada
    Good shit
     
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  18. Squid Jones

    Squid Jones El Moderador Staff Member

    4,051
    9,196
    Feb 2, 2017
    Male
    A glass house
    Yep. Those were the days.
     
    Warhead likes this.
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