Post your Epic Fart Stories here!

Discussion in 'Jokes & Funny Stories' started by Woden, Feb 26, 2017.

  1. Woden

    Woden Death Addict

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    Not me but a good buddy a few years ago. IHOP at 3 am Saturday night after a heavy night of drinking. Place is packed, we finish eating and are standing at the cash register while other friend is paying when buddy #1 says he's got a rip one. I say "shit in the microphone". He grabs the mic they use to call your name when there is a waiting list, squats in the perfect stance, and lets rip with an obnoxiously loud fart that is greatly amplified by the microphone and broadcast inside and out. The whole place that is full of loud drunks falls deathly silent. The chic working the register is staring in disbelief and manages to utter " I aint believing you farted in that microphone". I laughed so fucking hard I ended up in the parking lot tossing up the IHOP. I got home an hour or two later and was still laughing so hard when I got in bed I woke the wife up and had to tell her what happened in between laughs. I'm laughing my ass off right now just thinking about it.
     
  2. Hopedenial

    Hopedenial Death Addict

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    I don't know how epic it was... not really much of a story either, but when I was a bit younger I slept with my girlfriend at the time for the first time at a friend's house after a party. Woke up the next morning not sure quite where I was and just ripped the biggest, longest fart of my life. Kinda came to and glanced over at her hoping to hell she was asleep. She of course was wide awake. Now I'm not saying it was the fart, but it was the shortest relationship I've ever had.
     
  3. Jbecker

    Jbecker Death Head

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    My fart turned into a shart today at work. I have a strong work ethic, so I kept on working until break to jettison my chonies. Went on with the day like nothing happened.
     
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  4. DeathHand

    DeathHand Let It All Bleed Out Staff Member

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    K, well it wasn't me who farted (ya ya, I know...who denied it supplied it) but was my ex. We, you know, were doing the doggy dance, and frig she let one rip: a big gurgly one. And it wasn't from her butt...if you get my 'drift'...

    I was stunned at first. It was kinda like a big biker in a big biker bar bellowing out a big burp. She was embarrassed but hell, it didn't stop me.

    :D
     
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  5. deviant2

    deviant2 Drawing Blood

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    ...the long road
    LMAO!!!!
    TOO FUCKIN' FUNNY!

    I make sure to sit as close to my kids when I gotta, ya know...
    ...after all, they did that to me FOREVER, thinking it's funny.
    Pay backs are a bitch, especially once they're grown!!
    ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
     
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  6. deviant2

    deviant2 Drawing Blood

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    ...the long road
    :eek:

    :laugh:
     
  7. Woden

    Woden Death Addict

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    Its a sign of affection and that you are doing exactly what you should be.
     
  8. Stabby

    Stabby Death Head VIP

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    I once farted into an empty margarine container and quickly put the lid back on it. I then gave it to my sister and told her there was a gift inside for her. It was like slapping her across the face without using force.
     
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  9. Woden

    Woden Death Addict

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    My brother did that to me for Christmas one year when I was a kid. We never talk anymore.
     
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  10. Stabby

    Stabby Death Head VIP

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    You need to put a bow on that shit first.
     
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