Post your Epic Fart Stories here!

Discussion in 'Jokes & Funny Stories' started by Woden, Feb 26, 2017.

  1. Woden

    Woden Death Addict

    797
    1,262
    Nov 18, 2016
    Male
    Not me but a good buddy a few years ago. IHOP at 3 am Saturday night after a heavy night of drinking. Place is packed, we finish eating and are standing at the cash register while other friend is paying when buddy #1 says he's got a rip one. I say "shit in the microphone". He grabs the mic they use to call your name when there is a waiting list, squats in the perfect stance, and lets rip with an obnoxiously loud fart that is greatly amplified by the microphone and broadcast inside and out. The whole place that is full of loud drunks falls deathly silent. The chic working the register is staring in disbelief and manages to utter " I aint believing you farted in that microphone". I laughed so fucking hard I ended up in the parking lot tossing up the IHOP. I got home an hour or two later and was still laughing so hard when I got in bed I woke the wife up and had to tell her what happened in between laughs. I'm laughing my ass off right now just thinking about it.
     
  2. Hopedenial

    Hopedenial Death Addict

    526
    1,174
    Dec 3, 2016
    Male
    Houston, Tx
    I don't know how epic it was... not really much of a story either, but when I was a bit younger I slept with my girlfriend at the time for the first time at a friend's house after a party. Woke up the next morning not sure quite where I was and just ripped the biggest, longest fart of my life. Kinda came to and glanced over at her hoping to hell she was asleep. She of course was wide awake. Now I'm not saying it was the fart, but it was the shortest relationship I've ever had.
     
  3. Jbecker

    Jbecker Death Head

    91
    144
    Nov 24, 2016
    My fart turned into a shart today at work. I have a strong work ethic, so I kept on working until break to jettison my chonies. Went on with the day like nothing happened.
     
    D-bag, DeathHand, Zeus and 3 others like this.
  4. DeathHand

    DeathHand Demolition Style Hell Canadian Freak Staff Member

    1,097
    3,413
    Mar 28, 2016
    Male
    Gore Hunter
    Ontario, Canada
    K, well it wasn't me who farted (ya ya, I know...who denied it supplied it) but was my ex. We, you know, were doing the doggy dance, and frig she let one rip: a big gurgly one. And it wasn't from her butt...if you get my 'drift'...

    I was stunned at first. It was kinda like a big biker in a big biker bar bellowing out a big burp. She was embarrassed but hell, it didn't stop me.

    :D
     
    Airbornemama, Woden and Zeus like this.
  5. deviant2

    deviant2 Drawing Blood

    2,270
    3,536
    May 2, 2017
    ...the long road
    LMAO!!!!
    TOO FUCKIN' FUNNY!

    I make sure to sit as close to my kids when I gotta, ya know...
    ...after all, they did that to me FOREVER, thinking it's funny.
    Pay backs are a bitch, especially once they're grown!!
    ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
     
    Squid Jones, Airbornemama and Zeus like this.
  6. deviant2

    deviant2 Drawing Blood

    2,270
    3,536
    May 2, 2017
    ...the long road
    :eek:

    :laugh:
     
  7. OP
    OP
    Woden

    Woden Death Addict

    797
    1,262
    Nov 18, 2016
    Male
    Its a sign of affection and that you are doing exactly what you should be.
     
    Airbornemama likes this.
  8. Stabby

    Stabby Sunshine Twat

    1,009
    2,265
    Apr 21, 2017
    Port Cockerton
    I once farted into an empty margarine container and quickly put the lid back on it. I then gave it to my sister and told her there was a gift inside for her. It was like slapping her across the face without using force.
     
  9. OP
    OP
    Woden

    Woden Death Addict

    797
    1,262
    Nov 18, 2016
    Male
    My brother did that to me for Christmas one year when I was a kid. We never talk anymore.
     
    Airbornemama and Stabby like this.
  10. Stabby

    Stabby Sunshine Twat

    1,009
    2,265
    Apr 21, 2017
    Port Cockerton
    You need to put a bow on that shit first.
     
    Woden likes this.
  11. deviant2

    deviant2 Drawing Blood

    2,270
    3,536
    May 2, 2017
    ...the long road
    :laugh:
     
  12. Squid Jones

    Squid Jones El Moderador Staff Member

    4,777
    11,273
    Feb 2, 2017
    Male
    A glass house
    Wait, girls fart?
     
    Cloyce and deviant2 like this.
  13. deviant2

    deviant2 Drawing Blood

    2,270
    3,536
    May 2, 2017
    ...the long road
    Indeed, we do.
    LoL
     
    Squid Jones likes this.
  14. Squid Jones

    Squid Jones El Moderador Staff Member

    4,777
    11,273
    Feb 2, 2017
    Male
    A glass house
    :(
     
  15. deviant2

    deviant2 Drawing Blood

    2,270
    3,536
    May 2, 2017
    ...the long road
    laugh-17.gif
     
    Squid Jones likes this.
  16. Stabby

    Stabby Sunshine Twat

    1,009
    2,265
    Apr 21, 2017
    Port Cockerton
    I'm bored at work right now, I thought about writing a short story, or drawing a picture of a cock, but instead I think I will write a poem about farts.

    I'll post the outcome here in a bit.
     
    Zeus likes this.
  17. Stabby

    Stabby Sunshine Twat

    1,009
    2,265
    Apr 21, 2017
    Port Cockerton
    The Inevitable Gas Leak - A poem by Stabby

    From deep within, there is a force
    It all began with a main course
    Followed by an ice cold beer
    Trailing slowly towards the rear...
    And out the back it shall pass
    Spiced aroma; smells like ass
    Silent, deadly but it's a must
    Or we would all spontaneously combust

    [​IMG]
     
    kgp, D-bag, Zeus and 1 other person like this.
  18. name

    name nom nom nom VIP

    1,691
    2,708
    Apr 22, 2017
    nunya damn
    Dear Stabby:
    How bored does a person have to be to make a poem about farts?
    ( it was a good poem actually )
     
    Zeus and Stabby like this.
  19. Stabby

    Stabby Sunshine Twat

    1,009
    2,265
    Apr 21, 2017
    Port Cockerton
    Pretty damn bored, and thanks!
     
  20. D-bag

    D-bag Probably DA'ing at work, let's be real VIP

    115
    326
    Jun 19, 2017
    Male
    Engineer
    Ontario, Canada
    We decided to light a friends fart on fire, a blue angel, for fun. For those of you who have never attempted it, I'd refrain from it.

    You see, they never say to only light a small fart. We didn't know, buddy starts farting, we light it, and it ends up being a 6-8 second groaner. Needless to say, the good ol' ring of fire effect has two meanings. One is when you eat too much spicy food, the other is when you burn your starfish. ;)
     
    Death_becomes_her_ likes this.

Share This Page