The Story Of Ivanchuk And The HP Tech

Discussion in 'Jokes & Funny Stories' started by Ivanchuk, Nov 14, 2017 at 8:28 AM.

  1. Ivanchuk

    Ivanchuk Death Addict

    Feb 2, 2017
    Professionally Unemployed
    The Moon
    This fucking guy!

    Just thought I'd post this. Maybe some of you have had difficulties with techs on the phone.

    HP Tech: Thank you calling HP blah,blah, blah, may I have your case number?

    Me: Don't have one, I never do. I've called here a million times. My name is *******

    HP: Can I have your computer serial....(I interrupt)

    Me: Sir, can you please speak up a little, your accent (Indian) is too thick.

    HP: Certainly sir. What can we help you with?

    Me: It's nothing major, but it's really annoyi..(Tech interrupts)

    HP: May I have you computer's serial number and product code?

    Me: Eyes roll. I've already registered this computer with you all. You have all that particular info already. C'mon.

    HP: Okay. What's the problem?

    Me: My pages take an eternity to load on adult sites. (I'm well aware that on some sites it takes time for the all the videos to load, but this is way beyond that. They're slower than a 3 legged turtle.)

    HP: Well we can certainly help you with that sir.

    Me: I'm going to save us both some time and give you remote access from the getgo. (We do the little code in the address bar thing and stuff and he is now at the wheel.)

    HP: Let's check.....(I interrupt)

    Me: For the record, I have run all of my antivirus and malware scans, even Norton power eraser, and nothing was detected.

    HP: You don't really need all of that sir.

    Me: What?! Are you kidding me?

    HP: Your computer already comes with adequate protection.

    Me: I beg to differ.

    HP: (Silent. He's checking all of these stupid places that I've already tried. I tell him that, and get no response. I raise my voice. Sir I've already checked all that!)

    HP: There is no need to get excited sir. (I can't fucking believe this.)

    HP: Can you please hold for a minute sir while I view some other info. (cursor rests)

    Me: Yes

    HP: (After like 25min. he's back)Thank you for waiting sir. (At this point, I'm beginning to lose my patience.) Were going to try a system rest....(I interrupt) (sigh) I've tried that chief. No luck.

    HP: There is absolutely no need for rudeness sir.(I've never been called "Sir" so many times in my life.)

    Me: Oh c'mon.

    HP: Try uninstalling your malware/antivirus combo and see if that works.

    Me: They are not in confilct man.

    HP: Would you like me to forward this to another department which may be better suited for you?

    Me: No thanks. I haven't got 3 days to wait for them.

    HP: While I have you here sir, can I interest you in one of our moneysaving...

    ME: I hang up.

    After all, I got so frustrated and did a clean install. Problem solved.

    deviant2 likes this.
  2. Living dead girl

    Living dead girl DA's News Anchor

    Feb 5, 2017
    Glad I had dell lol when I had mine I never had a problem when I called them

    Your better than me cause I would have went off way earlier in the convo
  3. deviant2

    deviant2 Drawing Blood

    May 2, 2017
    ...the long road
    That was a great read. I was entranced from 'This fucking guy'...
    Pretty sure I had the eye roll thing going on, all the while laughing out loud.
    I snorted more than once too, and looked around to see if anyone heard me in my moment of grace, lol.

    Very funny, dude.
    Ivanchuk likes this.
  4. OP

    Ivanchuk Death Addict

    Feb 2, 2017
    Professionally Unemployed
    The Moon
    I may have forgotten some details, but I have a pretty good memory with some things.

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